Nice for a little while

 I know it was only a dream
 Yet you must really understand
 How great it was to talk with you
 To go back to when we were best friends
  
 I know it was only a dream
 In the moments it felt so real
 Looking each other in the eyes
 Casting away the barriers in how we feel
  
 I know it was only a dream
 In being close enough to hold you again
 Being able to laugh and cry together
 Two broken hearts together learning to mend
  
 I know it was only a dream
 From it I am now awake
 Wondering if there is time yet for us
 Or if it is truly just too late
  
 It was only a dream

Put This in the Funk and Wagnel’s

You know
I wish I really knew
I wish I could explain how
I wish I could explain why
 
You know
I feel you when you are sad
I feel you when you are conflicted
I feel when you want to die
 
Please
Do not give into despair
Do not give into expectations
Do not give into the pain
 
Please
Live for a better tomorrow
Live for the life you want
Live for yourself again
 
I know
You are a wonderful person
You have the most beautiful soul
You are worth fighting for
 
I know
I will always be there to support your
I will always be there on bad days and good
I will always be there for you
 
Hmm
Now I accept what this is
Now I accept I can define it
Now I accept this
 
This
 
This is Love

Social Distancing

I can feel your hurt
I don’t understand why
The pain you feel
Makes want to give up and die
 
Your heart she aches
Your soul ripped to shreds
All you now feel
Just sorrow and dread
 
I know you want to push us all away
All you want to do is hide
It hurts way to much
To allow another inside
 
So I will respect your wishes
I will give you that space
But know if you ever wanted
I will still set aside for you a place
 
You’ve helped me through some of my lowest
You might not believe it but it is true
I can offer you someone just to exist by
Someone to go through this with too
 
You don’t need to be alone
I recognize though this isn’t my battle to fight
Yet I will support what you do
Whatever you choose is right
 
I send this message to you
With hopes and blessings from above
Know in your heart my friend
It still is you I love

My Growth into Release

Blindsided you say
So sudden and out of nowhere
 
I’ve rewound those words in my mind
Realizing with each and every pass
Just how much you didn’t know about me
How much you chose not to care or acknowledge
 
I feel we were friends
Ones that played a chance of falling in love
I see it so clearly now
You never wanted to see those deeper darker parts of me
You only wanted an affectionate shell
Something to show off
Something to possess
An existence
Survival
 
If you would have taken the time then
Spoke to me the flaws you chose to ignore
Maybe things could be different
Maybe we never would have shared this dance at all
 
I am not without fault as well
I should have spoken up too
Pleaded that the depths of my soul needed more
But I didn’t
I fell for a dream
I wanted to make you happy
Even if it meant sacrificing what I wanted
I dared that you would grow to want those parts of me too
 
We were wrong
Locked into patterns we traced before
Doomed to repeat the mistakes of old
A pair of lives we hoped to escape
But we didn’t
 
I honestly feel I tried
But my silence could not make you want to feel
My coldness made you long for what you really need
So we drifted apart
I can see this now
 
I admit there is sadness in this
A time shared one could see as wasted
But if we learn our lesson from this
Looking back it might be the most important time of our lives
 
Right now
It will feel bad to know that I love you
I am just not in love
I want you to be happy
I want you to be loved and cherished
Even if it isn’t with me
I love you so much I need to let you go
 
I only plead to your heart
Can you do the same for me?

Cloth Mice and Catnip

 I really do not want to write this
 Because if I write it will be
 Five times I’ve started now
 All I have done is cry
 Just putting pencil to paper
 Brings forth torrents from my eyes
  
 I am at a loss of what to say or write
 Let alone know what more I could ever do
 I need to accept the simple fact
 We are doing the best for you
  
 So many memories rush through my head
 The first time we met
 You only being seen after the children were asleep
 You were not super social
 You were just our quiet handsome guy
  
 You have lived a long life
 Though to us it feels so frustratingly short
 You’ve helped our little girls grow into young women
 God we love you so much
 Its so hard to let you go
  
 I am going to miss our morning talks
 Your telling me with soft vigor about the situation of blue in the food bowl
 Spending time with us when we are sad
 You begrudgingly accepted the girl cat inside
 Even though you had suspicions that she could be bad
  
 You loved and played and purred
 Almost everyday until the very end
 To us you are so much more than a simple cat
 Because to us dear Crosby, you are our friend
  
 Rest well old sport
 Until we meet again 

Smile – From September 21, 2010

Anticipation mounts
Watching her dart by
Industrious
Should I stop her
Try and catch her eye
 
No I will wait
For I know she is soon done
Sweeping floors
Emptying the till
Now ready for fun
 
Greeting each other for the first time
Instant hugs and reaction
Happy to have met at last
Smiles and admiration
Unrejected satisfaction
 
Conversation begins
Telling tales of with-outs and with-ins
Learning carefully of each other
Me and the girl with the Cheshire grin

Letting Go

 I am sorry that things did not turn how we wanted
I am sorry that I have nothing left in which I can fight
For too long we both denied the truth
We both need to move on with what is right
 
Never should we have entertained an easy fix
It is something we separately feared from the start
The hurt we share with a simple, “I love you”
When you know it isn’t from my heart
 
With this I am the villain
Pulling the wool over our eyes
Hoping to build a house of cards to last
No, just someone you may despise
 
You always said you loved me more
I never wanted to admit you were right
I want you to receive the love that you give
Not this person who will not fight
 
So this is my final goodbye
For me you can cry your last tears
I am merely the friend who failed at love
But it is what I want you to find my dear

Something in the Coffee

I hope that you never notice
While you are sitting there
Deep within conversation
Sharing thoughts on how we feel and care
 
Yet instantaneous moments
The view of you that strikes my eyes
Capturing just simple perfection
For me to seal within the depths of my mind
 
It endearing how you laugh at me
When I point out your beauty
Rolling your eyes and laughing at my strange belief
Oh my friend you are that picturesque
I will relish in receiving your grief
 
Oh these are sweet touching moments
Times that I love to spend
Leaving me in breathless wonder
Pondering the quiet beauty of my friend

I Don’t Want to Beg

 Oh my dear friend
You just don’t understand
How is it the both of you
That you both are the same
Managing to disarm me with your smiles
Sharing the same green eyes
The same flowing brown hair
Hell even the same birthday
 
How I feel so deeply
So much I feel it resonate against my soul
Every fiber of my being
 
My body aches to talk to you
To hear everything, anything you have to say
All you fear
All you dream
To dare to help you however I can
To dream to love you
I hope you could love me
 
Yet
You will not tell me anything
Just to leave me wanting more
Not knowing to try harder
Or just let go
 
I love this
I hate this
 
But I accept it
 
So please
Take a chance on me
Or let me know you need to walk another path
Either way is fine
Because then I can at least move
and stop standing here being awestruck by you

Slightly Ajar

I never set out imagining this could happen
There was no motive or intent
Yet it happened in a mere moment
With the possibility to impact a lifetime
Where there was a shift however so slight
Between friends caring as a friend
Talking about lives and situations
Looking for advice or a friendly ear just happy to listen
To the surprised realization of something we did not entertain
Where once our walls were locked and steadfast
Now there is a portal askew
 
I tried closing it myself
Save us from that temptation
Yet I saw the depth of colors within
I wonder if you too have observed this sensation
 
I wish I were brave to just look you in the eyes
Ask a certain question that only you can answer
It isn’t that I am afraid of things being naught
I always have been one to hear what you really have to say
A heart like yours I know
Never wants to bear harm or hurt for anyone
But if feelings got hurt it would be my own fault and not yours
I would respect you more either way for you to just speak true
As long as it is what is in your heart
Either way, I will always support and be your friend
 
Friends we became one late autumn day
Friends we shall be as long as you wish
Friends that listen to hearts no matter the thoughts
Isn’t that what we would wish for each other
 
So don’t be afraid of hurting me
Reveal the depths of why you have that anxiety
Is it because your heart is somewhere else
Or did it inadvertently gaze behind the door
Do you too, wonder if we could be more