I know it was only a dream Yet you must really understand How great it was to talk with you To go back to when we were best friends I know it was only a dream In the moments it felt so real Looking each other in the eyes Casting away the barriers in how we feel I know it was only a dream In being close enough to hold you again Being able to laugh and cry together Two broken hearts together learning to mend I know it was only a dream From it I am now awake Wondering if there is time yet for us Or if it is truly just too late It was only a dream
From My View
Time has clouded our meeting that day Of Providence due to situation Yet this did not preview What would become after initial salutations Time moved slowly Each of us telling our tales How in life we have succeeded Also, the times we have failed I’ve listened to your heart Fallen for how resolute it beats Stricken at times with admiration For in you is a woman complete You have such drive and determination Your heart is so strong Even when you have a setback Know it will never last too long You are such a kind listener Your counsel is one I can trust Because judging is not something you jump to For your compassion is fair and just You are a person I strive to emulate You inspire me to be more Just know I want to be there with you No matter what is in store I have fallen in love with every part of you The good, bad, ugly, beautiful, dark, and divine You possess one of the greatest things on earth A soul that has touched mine
Taste of Fragrance
Scenes from a dream Sometimes become reality Of a future unhappened wrapped in uncertainty Two of us becoming close Taking in each other’s secrets Trust blossoming between us A relation that we will never regret Looking into each other’s eyes Laying just moments away Feelings of love and affection Growing stronger with each word we say I do not remember who moved first When we finally embraced Bodies drawing closer Bringing us face to face Gazing deeply into each other’s eyes With a flame not seen before A slight gasp falls from my lips Involuntarily admitting I want more I reach up slowly Part the hair away from your face Taking in every minute detail of the moment Etching each moment with grace You bring yourself to me Your lips touching mine Twin souls blazing together Forging a connection divine It was just a mere moment But I felt that time stopped for hours We gave each other the chance To enjoy our wildflowers
Thoughts in her mind
I am just going about my day Not expecting to see him at all Slogging thru the mundane No worries about him at all Yet when he unexpectedly appears Why does my heart race What make my emotions fluster Is it that I have feelings for him Or that I do not want to disappoint another One day I will make a stand Tell him how I feel I cannot live worrying about How someone else will feel This chain of wanting to please others It really needs to end After all isn’t that what I would say If I were talking with a dear friend I hope that I can get there After all I really have nothing to lose For I really am responsible just for how I feel That is my decision to choose
Put This in the Funk and Wagnel’s
You know I wish I really knew I wish I could explain how I wish I could explain why You know I feel you when you are sad I feel you when you are conflicted I feel when you want to die Please Do not give into despair Do not give into expectations Do not give into the pain Please Live for a better tomorrow Live for the life you want Live for yourself again I know You are a wonderful person You have the most beautiful soul You are worth fighting for I know I will always be there to support your I will always be there on bad days and good I will always be there for you Hmm Now I accept what this is Now I accept I can define it Now I accept this This This is Love
April Playlist – Counter Crushes
- Numb – Linkin Park (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8P0vKLHbtMg)
Chester lays out the crushing awareness of realizing how far you have slipped from being who you need to be just to be with someone. Everyone has a breaking point, and Numb is the crossroads in realizing you are at that place.
- Everything You Want – Vertical Horizon (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKW0uelA6Dw)
A good song about someone who has someone in their life, but they have absolutely no want or desire for them in return. Interesting paradigm I discovered on this song as well, as in the last chorus when the phrasing changes from He to I, in that this could also be reflective of one’s own self, and how you forgotten how to be your own friend.
- Everything About You – Ugly Kid Joe (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZjaSD-cXcA)
This song literally was the breakup song for 98% of all relations when it came out in 1992. An expose in the raw rage and pure anger of a bad break up taken to the extreme. I hope these guys sought counselling at some point.
- Don’t Speak – No Doubt (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qbb7r1XgMTU)
Back when Gwen Stefani was still pseudo-punk, her and her mates cranked out one of the best break up songs I think of all time. The pain of not wanting to talk because you feel all your hopes and dreams bleeding out into the floor. Agony!
- I Wish It Would Rain – The Temptations (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSkKzPwXFxc)
Channeling pure male sadness and expectations in that men should not show emotions. Pleading to the heavens for rain to hide the stains on his face, does it get any worse for men? I am glad that this standard has started changing over the years because I for one, never could hide my emotions. For the record, I was introduced to this song in the 90s by the band Little Caesar (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmWIt-c77kU) and I am including that version as well.
- Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps – Cake (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vyZzU4iiLU)
While not directly saying ‘crap or get off the can’, it does capture the anxiety of feeling like you are trapped in Limbo. From personal experience I know how frustrating that is, to the point it is one of my greatest mistakes in flat out asking someone to make that decision. I should have done it on my own and just been done. If you love something set it free right? Oh, and fun fact, I didn’t realize until making this list that originally this song was by Doris Day (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkwIKytpII0).
With thanks for inspiration from the lovely Megan O’Keeffe at debatablydateable.com
A Vision with Amber
It happened in a moment One fleeting instant when a flash of warmth washed over me Wrapped around my being and Penetrated my soul I was going to hold back Who can do that, though, when the dam truly breaks? All that I am burst forth in a frothy mess Flotsam and jetsam, driftwood and so much more You weathered that outburst Navigated the storm of all that I am and all that I want to be Reminded me that I have the tools to chart this life You had the quiet faith in me, allowing me to listen and understand I am on a journey I have rediscovered a lot of myself I still have a lot to do Reminded me that I shouldn’t allow myself to be distracted Yet I know there is something there with you If time and circumstance were different I easily would make a better case But alas, right now I shouldn’t I do wish so badly that I could purge those feelings of shouldn't Sitting with you, talking, listening, learning, understanding Wanting to cross that friendship line Go for broke and reach for more I’ve seen it in my dreams Brushing your hair from your eyes and feeling your face in my hands Bringing your lips to mine, tasting our breath mixed Drawing hearts together, beating as one for a single moment in time But I am going to let that go because now just won’t do Because if I have ever learned anything, I've learned that, no matter what, I am fortunate to call you my friend And that I respect your wishes too
Unanswered is an Answer
Reflecting back Was it too much saying what I had to say Asking what I asked Things heavy in totality Possibly unseen even by me All I can view is its aftermath The coolness now in our brief encounters A thunderous silence permeates our communication Not quite death but not really alive either A friendship possibly broken by expressed wants and desires Perhaps I will never be given any answers Perhaps this is a lesson that I need to learn Accept that I took the shot Just wait a while and let it go I don’t want to Yet I will Because life is more than just being with you It is about living for me
My Growth into Release
Blindsided you say So sudden and out of nowhere I’ve rewound those words in my mind Realizing with each and every pass Just how much you didn’t know about me How much you chose not to care or acknowledge I feel we were friends Ones that played a chance of falling in love I see it so clearly now You never wanted to see those deeper darker parts of me You only wanted an affectionate shell Something to show off Something to possess An existence Survival If you would have taken the time then Spoke to me the flaws you chose to ignore Maybe things could be different Maybe we never would have shared this dance at all I am not without fault as well I should have spoken up too Pleaded that the depths of my soul needed more But I didn’t I fell for a dream I wanted to make you happy Even if it meant sacrificing what I wanted I dared that you would grow to want those parts of me too We were wrong Locked into patterns we traced before Doomed to repeat the mistakes of old A pair of lives we hoped to escape But we didn’t I honestly feel I tried But my silence could not make you want to feel My coldness made you long for what you really need So we drifted apart I can see this now I admit there is sadness in this A time shared one could see as wasted But if we learn our lesson from this Looking back it might be the most important time of our lives Right now It will feel bad to know that I love you I am just not in love I want you to be happy I want you to be loved and cherished Even if it isn’t with me I love you so much I need to let you go I only plead to your heart Can you do the same for me?
Coming Clean
I wish I knew where to begin I wish I knew what to say Yet words had been escaping my being I guess I should at least start today I am sorry if I wasn’t clear before Back then close to the start When the two of us were newly made friends That a deeper feeling took root in my heart It may be to late to say this But I do want you to know I will always be here for you No matter where your decision may go I like you more than a friend I feel you deep into my being I don’t think this is just happenstance For to me those feelings are would be fleeting I do wish we could sit and talk Push aside that anxiety I will do my best to not disappoint you I want to show you all of me I probably should never have allowed that thought The one that you and I could become something more Yet it became a reoccurring vision in my heart A feeling I had only felt but one real time before I realize this is all heavy information Something you do not know what to do with But my friend I just wanted you to know In you I see such a precious gift I know my timing is horrible To the point past things got away So this is why I share this now I cannot wait until tomorrow today We both have things to work through A mess of lives from before to untangle I know though if you wanted These things together we could handle So now I have said what I needed to say I’ve done my best to be clear I honestly will be content with whatever you decide For I am no longer choosing fear
