Another day of this infernal ringing
Like a high pitched klaxon in my head
I long for those mere moments of relief
Can this be a side effect of my dread
I remember in the beginning
How this was just an sparse annoying sensation
But I am really beginning to believe
This pain is a creature of my own creation
I know I don’t channel emotions well
Yet you would never know if I am sad or angry
Just stuff those feelings into the rabbit hole in my mind
Is it hard to imagine it would fracture in time
I need to deal with this cancer
Because I am rotting apart at the seams
Let this all go
Expunge the darkness
An explosive release of silenced screams
Sooner than later
The devil will claim his due
Regrettably I realize
This will end my journey with you
For it would be foolish to try
No more false promises from the heart
I don’t want to change you
I cannot be me
We are who we are
Who we are supposed to be
One day I hope you will find
That one who will cherish you until the end
I just hope that you will forgive me
I always will be your friend
Friend or Faux
I apologize if I sound angry
But I admit that in which I don’t understand
How is it you cannot talk with me
Why does this cause you so much anxiety
I can’t believe it is just because you are a girl and I am a guy
People are allowed to be just friends
I will not take that as an excuse
You certainly know why
Yes I am not blind
I see you with him
EVERY
DAMN
DAY!!
To be perfectly honest
This makes me feel like a failure
Like I am causing some reason to not be trusted
So I am left with questions
Is it because he is the mistake
The one you cannot talk about
The one you cannot let go of
Or are you terrified that if you open up and trust in me
That I could become a mistake as well
I realize you can protect yourself
Simply by being so distant
Yet how can a friendship grow or remain
Without any real interaction
I am a big kid
I know there are lines that shan’t be crossed
But hey, we can’t cross them if we don’t draw them
I know from the outside
My situation can look bad to others
But it never was because of you
It never will be
Being real
It helps me get out of my head
I enjoy helping others and being a friend
Frees me from my own misery
At least for a brief moment
I just don’t understand
So all I can do is complain
But in this endeavor it is all on me
I will carry that blame.
This One, This is for Me
There may finally come a day
Where everything goes right
You may be wary of this success
But it will come
Keep on fighting
Day by day
Minute by minute
Make this life your own
Don’t let it be controlled by someone else
Or be dependent upon some self-sacrificing addiction
Becoming who you want to be is supposed to be hard
If it were easy you would not appreciate or even want it
So build up those small victories
Learn from mistakes and failures
Most of all
NEVER GIVE UP ON YOU!
Embrace Your Shine
When we were small
Never did we know
Who we would become
What we needed from life
Just existing blissfully
Watching how others acted
Growing we played parts of others
Trying out the roles like clothing
Discarding items we did not like
Keeping the ones that fit best
Yet for some of us it happens
In that moment of finding someone we like
We try sometimes in desperation
To become a thing that they want
Forgetting who we are
We need someone who will walk with us
Not someone to restrict ourselves for
Be your true self
If you don’t, because of another
All you taste will be off
A hollowing will build inside your soul
Till one day the house of cards implodes
Falling to the sacrifice of vanity
Be the best you
People will treasure you more for it
Yes, some will detest it
But they matter not at all
They cannot appreciate the real you
Rise my sunshine
Share with the world your brilliant glow
For in this radiance you will finally be seen
As the perfect angel you are, walking this earth
Who cannot help but to love that?
One Step Closer
So close today
Enough that it was in each other’s eyes
That desire to reach out and tell all
Push beyond the limits of comfort and anxiety
I am painfully aware that you want to my friend
To have that soul to trust yourself with
Yet faith is hard to believe in
When other relations fall apart into nothingness and dust
I will be here for you
To listen to everything that you trust to me
Take in all that you wish to share
A self-contained record of your story
No judgement to be had
Just understanding and compassion
I have been you too
In you I found a person so surprising
An organic friendship that came almost from above
Walking a path we never had imagined
Yet becoming the friends that we are
I wish I could silence the voices in your mind
Bring peace to your most wonderful of hearts
One day if I am blessed enough for you to trust in me
I will do my best to help you put back together all your parts
You and I have had more than our share of heartbreak
So trusting in another can be hard
Yet we will do so because it is our nature
We love to love no matter the consequences
We are who we are
I do not know where this story will lead us
Yet I feel I know how one theme will always be until the end
Better days will come no matter where we go
For still we walk with love in our soul
Is there anything more precious, that I can want for my friend
Avalanche of Finality
Ever get a feeling something is coming
A change that will have impact today, tomorrow, and everything
It is a weird experience
Like a physical sense to an invisible force
Preparing to break through the status quo
It is terrifying yet oddly hopeful
A certain energy or frequency that will break things down
Clearing the slate to build something grand
I’ve felt this coming a long time now
It was faint last year but building pressure since
Steadily rising and calling
Change is coming and this time
This time I will not resist
No
I will embrace this
Unlock everything that is to come
Find my perfect self
No more fighting
This time
I am embracing peace
Visions of Worth
My dreams are so vivid
I feel them even now
Deny in them I cannot
Only need to figure out how
I recall the feeling of warmth
Your hair on my shoulder
Trusting me in your quiet sighs
Safe feelings of slumber take over
I can picture every detail
You lying there in my arms
Knowing with no doubt in my heart
I will protect you from harm
I feel your breathing
Your body as it slowly melts into mine
Enjoying our rest of the evening
Until we wake my sunshine
Balance to the Ledger
Do you want as I do
All of the good
All of the bad
For if we dance again
I can’t hold back anything
I will bare my soul to you
My hopes
Dreams
Fears
Failures
Successes
I want you to know everything
Even the ugly parts
I need to share it all and not hold back
No hiding
No secrets
Hopefully after all of that you will still want
Me
Persist
Much darkness has fallen
As time passed since that day
When a life was upended
Hopes in it went astray
So much anger
Relations between just jaded
Yet memory of the goodness within
Never has faded
We picked up and carried on
Eventually began to forgive
Where a romance that was dead
Showed yet feelings still live
Hope still springing eternal
May we bloom again one day
Time yet shall be that test
As it is up to us to say
Mind’s Eye Demon
I wish I could quiet that voice
The one that whispers in your ear all day
The one that keeps you awake at night
I wish I could silence those condemning views
Negate the self-doubt it imposes on a soul
The perception that we are weak and inadequate
I want us to find our peace
Happiness of heart
Joy of our own being
We deserve to realize
That we need to serve ourselves
Our true selves
To be happy
All this baggage of meeting expectations
Conditions that others expect of us
Or that we feel we owe others
We need to find a way to let it go
This mountain we are toiling under
One day shall fall aside
On that day my wonderful friend
We will get off the ground
And rise
Brain Stew, because anything less is uncivilized 