3 A.M.

What does it mean
When you invade my dreams
Playing out events
That may never be seen
 
Even though it's simple
Going for a walk
Listening to one another
Hearing us talk
 
Deeper understanding
Or just hopeful thinking
Either way I will take them
It so beats just drinking
 
A friend you shall have
It is what I wish to be
But know I will do whatever
You would have of me
 
Silent ear
Shoulder to cry on
Sanctuary to be had
Person to rely on
 
These things I offer you
And the heavens above
For the least I ever do
Is look at you with love
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Diving Bell

What does it mean
When our eyes linger on the other
Is something more being said
Than shows in the simple edge of our smiles
 
Falling would be easy
Into the shades of blue
Hidden, intent, locked away
Never to be seen for virtue
 
Am I odd to believe there is more in this transmission
Souls searching for solace
Seeking without a known intention
 
I know it makes things deeper
More than a simple momentary attraction
Eyes feasting within the heartbeats
Hearts feeling satisfaction
 
Wander with me and dream
Give cares to our ills
Restocking our inner larder
Our own self of will
 
Parting and looking away
Share with me in a goodbye
Leaving a question unwittingly acknowledged
Of what we could do if you were mine

Gazer of Stars

Artist
Poet
Independent thinker
One to ponder mysteries
My star-crossed soul sister
Adrift on life’s sea
 
I feel your yearning
Your struggles
Pleading for more something more
Wishing someone was listening
To help show what life is for
 
You play within the rules
Yet reserve your right to question
Results that are given
Looking for more suggestions
 
Many do not understand
This differing view of the outlook on life
To me this is a gift
To reevaluate these preached ideals
To find solace from the strife
 
I cherish her consul
The challenge to held views
Appreciating the depth of difference
Enjoying each precious moment
Believing there could be something more
Than either of us could have become
 
Dreamer
Visionary
Soothsayer
Muse
 
And most important to me
 
Friend





The 3000 Questions About Me Series: What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

The virtue that has the least appeal to me anymore hands down is the virtue of PATRIOTISM. Now don’t get me wrong, I do feel it is good to love your country, but when that love turns into worship and just becomes nothing more than an extreme non questionable label; that is where I have issues. I mean really, do we need to place the sense of country as a higher place of value than the respect of all human beings? Should we not bask in the glory of us all versus just one subset based upon geography?

I for one, look forward to the day where the tribal warring of nations is cast off our being like the burdensome yoke that it is. Espouse not this notion of where you are located, rather; take comfort in who you are towards everyone, including yourself. Then maybe, maybe, we as a people of a united world can finally evolve its sense of self and grow with one another, versus falling into this baseless need to be divided. Our nationality need not be our identity.

I do think, that with the technology of today which does include the internet and the rise of social media, that we are in fact one step closer to that world.

Dutifully Drowning

I can feel it
Watching and waiting
Yearning to be brought forth from prison
Wanting to be free
 
It knows its place in my life
The value I give its currency
Just a sip of the ambrosia-like nectar
Bliss buried in potency
 
This is my only outlet
Relief from this burdensome life
What other choice have I to make
Playing the role of the good wife
 
I am begging for a taste
Just a sip of my liquid relief
Your cold eyes glare in judgement
Showing your revulsion of me
 
God knows I am trying
I do all that and more dutifully
Each day though rips away part from my soul
Until one day I am no longer me
 
Don’t offer any relief from this prison
This poison at least eases my pain
Your world may seem perfect to others
While my soul goes slowly insane

The 3000 Questions About Me Series: What is your current state of mind?

Reflective….

Honestly, I have started and stopped my thoughts and writing this out at least 10 times the past week.  I have ranged from peacefully relaxed on vacation; to embarrassed/sad/frustrated for when sexy time called both my body and my desire for my partner completely failed and fell flat.  This may just be merely in my head; but when you feel totally disconnected from your partner, well the effect is crippling.  Needless to say, this leaves me bewildered and confused as to what to do next, and really leads me to believe this chapter in my life is coming to a close.

Another chapter will begin though, and I am looking forward to it and becoming a better, more content me.

So I would surmise then that my state of mind currently then would be…….

HOPEFUL!!!!!

The 3000 Questions About Me Series: What is your greatest extravagance?

I had to ponder upon this subject a bit as there are three contenders for this title.  First item that comes to mind is my comic collection.  In my defense I have been collecting them for years, and some can be valued as an investment to a degree.  Yet I have read all of them, so I believe that takes them out of contention.  Second would be my collection of Dungeon and Dragons books and items.  I DO in fact still play with some good friends of mine though and possibly, I will start to run my own version of the game in the future.  No, the title of EXTRAVAGANCE goes to my toy collection post childhood.  No, I do NOT play with them anymore, they are mainly to be posed and placed to be admired.  My Transformers within that are the most pricy of the bunch, and of those, I get only the ‘better grade’ ones that generally cost a bit more.

                I love them anyways!!!!!!

The 3000 Questions About Me Series: What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I believe my worst trait to be my lack of self-discipline.  Insomuch as my brain will key off telling me that I am doing something I shouldn’t and yet I will ignore that voice and keep doing so.  This has occurred in numerous aspects of my life, from eating too much, drinking things I shouldn’t, to pulling myself into situations and relationships that I should have avoided.  Unfortunately I can pin my first marriage into that category perfectly.  It all moved so fast back then, but I had believed at the time it was as good a shot as someone like me would ever get.  Fast forward to the girl who I later found out had a boyfriend to the girls that were married.  Yeah, not so proud of those moments, but I do feel I learned some things.  Finally to where I am here in 2019.  Married, yet not engaged into what I feel should be called ‘true love’.  I know things will eventually break if there is no change, yet I further know that I cannot do it all alone.  I fear I need more, and my head is screaming at me to go live it.  That life I feel will result in what I truly am trying to build, the best me.  I will be balanced one day. 

One day I will.

Crashing of Water

Another day in paradise
Another day in the story of you and me
My gaze watches the breakers crash onto the beach
Another day by the sea
 
How I wish I could explain to you
The lack of all I should feel inside
Yet I keep my thoughts buried within
Desperately searching for magic on this carpet ride
 
I always feared that things would go to fast
As this seems to be my personal curse
One day this all will be revealed
You have to right to say I am the worst
 
Know I do not harbor any malice or hate
I have always been a friend for you
I want you to succeed in life
Find that one who truly suits you
 
I know what I say will hurt
Your sad eyes pleading why I am this strange
But love I need to set your soul free
So your life can beautifully change
 
We never were our ultimate ends
Just a faded map of all we have known
May one day you see the good from all this
Not just curses from far below
 
I don’t know yet how this will end
I feel though it is something we must do
For closing soon is this final chapter
In the failed tales of me and you

The 3000 Questions About Me Series: What is your greatest fear?

My greatest fear is a multifaceted thing that I have had to take a long time to look at and ponder.  Once, it was that as a heavy guy, that I would never master myself to be healthy.  That is pure rubbish.  I am healthy, and I am going to be lighter one day.  I am on the path; I just need to use my tools and execute this.
  
 I also thought it could have been loneliness and being alone.  But no, that is not quite right either.  I should be able to be alone, but never lonely.  I still have me.
  
 Yet, that is where my biggest fear itself doth lay.  My biggest fear is that I cannot forgive myself for not being able to be my own friend.  I feel I do great things at the behest of others, yet, I never listen to my own counsel or pay attention to what I truly believe in when it comes to myself.  I am working on this though, and I am walking down that rode to liking and respecting me.  I am not exactly sure where it will lead other than to one thing.  The freedom of realizing my TRUE SELF!!!
  
 And being as I am not totally in touch with what that is, yeah, its fucking scary mate!