Something I wish I believed before today

Life is hard, as we grow up with expectations of where we should be at certain ages of life, and honestly, it’s poppycock. We have to be real with ourselves about what we want and feel first. Once we get to that, if someone clicks into our journey, great, but never make severe sacrifices for someone else’s happiness. It sounds selfish, but, in the end, all we ever have is ourself.

Nice for a little while

 I know it was only a dream
 Yet you must really understand
 How great it was to talk with you
 To go back to when we were best friends
 I know it was only a dream
 In the moments it felt so real
 Looking each other in the eyes
 Casting away the barriers in how we feel
 I know it was only a dream
 In being close enough to hold you again
 Being able to laugh and cry together
 Two broken hearts together learning to mend
 I know it was only a dream
 From it I am now awake
 Wondering if there is time yet for us
 Or if it is truly just too late
 It was only a dream

From My View

Time has clouded our meeting that day
Of Providence due to situation
Yet this did not preview
What would become after initial salutations

Time moved slowly
Each of us telling our tales
How in life we have succeeded
Also, the times we have failed

I’ve listened to your heart
Fallen for how resolute it beats
Stricken at times with admiration
For in you is a woman complete

You have such drive and determination
Your heart is so strong
Even when you have a setback
Know it will never last too long

You are such a kind listener
Your counsel is one I can trust
Because judging is not something you jump to
For your compassion is fair and just

You are a person I strive to emulate
You inspire me to be more
Just know I want to be there with you
No matter what is in store

I have fallen in love with every part of you
The good, bad, ugly, beautiful, dark, and divine
You possess one of the greatest things on earth
A soul that has touched mine

Taste of Fragrance

Scenes from a dream
Sometimes become reality
Of a future unhappened
wrapped in uncertainty
Two of us becoming close
Taking in each other’s secrets
Trust blossoming between us
A relation that we will never regret
Looking into each other’s eyes
Laying just moments away
Feelings of love and affection
Growing stronger with each word we say
I do not remember who moved first
When we finally embraced
Bodies drawing closer
Bringing us face to face
Gazing deeply into each other’s eyes
With a flame not seen before
A slight gasp falls from my lips
Involuntarily admitting I want more
I reach up slowly
Part the hair away from your face
Taking in every minute detail of the moment
Etching each moment with grace
You bring yourself to me
Your lips touching mine
Twin souls blazing together
Forging a connection divine
It was just a mere moment
But I felt that time stopped for hours
We gave each other the chance
To enjoy our wildflowers

Tiger in the Sun

If I am being honest
I do not know the reason why
All I have is this feeling
Emanating from inside
Emotions unknown
Triggered by chance
Thoughts of friendship
Possible romance
Each day I wonder
If I am on the right path
Yet I resolve with myself
That this is the one to last
So many times, I have chosen
Life of another versus my own
This time I still avow
I will sit on my own throne
If our worlds align
It is not because I am the only one
So, dare I hope you join me
On a pilgrimage to the sun

Thoughts in her mind

I am just going about my day
Not expecting to see him at all
Slogging thru the mundane
No worries about him at all
Yet when he unexpectedly appears
Why does my heart race
What make my emotions fluster
Is it that I have feelings for him
Or that I do not want to disappoint another
One day I will make a stand
Tell him how I feel
I cannot live worrying about
How someone else will feel
This chain of wanting to please others
It really needs to end
After all isn’t that what I would say
If I were talking with a dear friend
I hope that I can get there
After all I really have nothing to lose
For I really am responsible just for how I feel
That is my decision to choose

Put This in the Funk and Wagnel’s

You know
I wish I really knew
I wish I could explain how
I wish I could explain why
You know
I feel you when you are sad
I feel you when you are conflicted
I feel when you want to die
Do not give into despair
Do not give into expectations
Do not give into the pain
Live for a better tomorrow
Live for the life you want
Live for yourself again
I know
You are a wonderful person
You have the most beautiful soul
You are worth fighting for
I know
I will always be there to support your
I will always be there on bad days and good
I will always be there for you
Now I accept what this is
Now I accept I can define it
Now I accept this
This is Love

April Playlist – Counter Crushes

Chester lays out the crushing awareness of realizing how far you have slipped from being who you need to be just to be with someone.  Everyone has a breaking point, and Numb is the crossroads in realizing you are at that place.

A good song about someone who has someone in their life, but they have absolutely no want or desire for them in return.  Interesting paradigm I discovered on this song as well, as in the last chorus when the phrasing changes from He to I, in that this could also be reflective of one’s own self, and how you forgotten how to be your own friend. 

This song literally was the breakup song for 98% of all relations when it came out in 1992.  An expose in the raw rage and pure anger of a bad break up taken to the extreme.  I hope these guys sought counselling at some point.

Back when Gwen Stefani was still pseudo-punk, her and her mates cranked out one of the best break up songs I think of all time.  The pain of not wanting to talk because you feel all your hopes and dreams bleeding out into the floor.  Agony!

Channeling pure male sadness and expectations in that men should not show emotions.  Pleading to the heavens for rain to hide the stains on his face, does it get any worse for men?  I am glad that this standard has started changing over the years because I for one, never could hide my emotions.  For the record, I was introduced to this song in the 90s by the band Little Caesar ( and I am including that version as well.

While not directly saying ‘crap or get off the can’, it does capture the anxiety of feeling like you are trapped in Limbo.  From personal experience I know how frustrating that is, to the point it is one of my greatest mistakes in flat out asking someone to make that decision.  I should have done it on my own and just been done.  If you love something set it free right?  Oh, and fun fact, I didn’t realize until making this list that originally this song was by Doris Day (

With thanks for inspiration from the lovely Megan O’Keeffe at

Social Distancing

I can feel your hurt
I don’t understand why
The pain you feel
Makes want to give up and die
Your heart she aches
Your soul ripped to shreds
All you now feel
Just sorrow and dread
I know you want to push us all away
All you want to do is hide
It hurts way to much
To allow another inside
So I will respect your wishes
I will give you that space
But know if you ever wanted
I will still set aside for you a place
You’ve helped me through some of my lowest
You might not believe it but it is true
I can offer you someone just to exist by
Someone to go through this with too
You don’t need to be alone
I recognize though this isn’t my battle to fight
Yet I will support what you do
Whatever you choose is right
I send this message to you
With hopes and blessings from above
Know in your heart my friend
It still is you I love

A Vision with Amber

It happened in a moment
One fleeting instant when a flash of warmth washed over me
Wrapped around my being and
Penetrated my soul
I was going to hold back
Who can do that, though, when the dam truly breaks?
All that I am burst forth in a frothy mess
Flotsam and jetsam, driftwood and so much more
You weathered that outburst
Navigated the storm of all that I am and all that I want to be
Reminded me that I have the tools to chart this life
You had the quiet faith in me, allowing me to listen and understand
I am on a journey
I have rediscovered a lot of myself
I still have a lot to do
Reminded me that I shouldn’t allow myself to be distracted
Yet I know there is something there with you
If time and circumstance were different
I easily would make a better case
But alas, right now I shouldn’t
I do wish so badly that I could purge those feelings of shouldn't
Sitting with you, talking, listening, learning, understanding
Wanting to cross that friendship line
Go for broke and reach for more
I’ve seen it in my dreams
Brushing your hair from your eyes and feeling your face in my hands
Bringing your lips to mine, tasting our breath mixed
Drawing hearts together, beating as one for a single moment in time
But I am going to let that go because now just won’t do
Because if I have ever learned anything,
I've learned that, no matter what, I am fortunate to call you my friend
And that I respect your wishes too