I wish that I could sleep tonight
In my heart and mind something is not right
I am in a scene where I feel I don’t belong
Feeling amiss that something is wrong
Been fighting for months
Emotions of dread
Building and growing
In the depths of my head
Is my soul rotten
For wanting something more
A better sense of completion
Waiting to know what life is for
So I stay awake
Together yet alone
In the space I try to make
The appearance of a happy home
A day is slowly coming
The moments pass as they do
On that day what will I make
Of the story that is Me and You
What Friends Do
You have every right to question
About why I do
Honestly I have done the same
When I place myself in your shoes
In this there is no games
We all deserve to simply be
I know the crushing weight all too well
Buried alive within my own misery
To long we all have been lied to
Made to believe how we should feel
Made to undervalue the love of our own soul
Forced to believe our emotions are not real
We feel how we feel
Yet we get caught up in comparing our pain with others
Feeding a debt that blots our worth
In a blanket of dread that smothers
We can be sad
This is okay
Life for us can seem hopeless and hard
But only we can make it what we choose
Carry on with healed scars
I know it is hard to be optimistic
When all we feel is lost
Piece by piece we find ourselves
Ignoring the pain of cost
So for you my friend I always
Will keep doing as I do
I believe in a better tomorrow is waiting for us
For I
Believe
In you
Winter Had Come
Broken hearts reborn from flames
Only once again silent
Cooled with summer rain
Never a hard thought to entertain
Yet not the only one blinded
Melted wax and borrowed feather
Flying far too close to the sun
There is no feeling of jealousy
Yet an emotion loss of thist
Knowing the mountains between us
Ever keeping that life adrift
Fondness for the days of random checks
Shared emotion more than few
Yet I rejoice in the knowledge in my memory
Of a love I share with you
Spilling Over
Call it a crack in the foundation
Or learning to trust his man
Today was the day she hinted to me
That some pain awaited over the horizon
I know it keeps you up at night
What it is makes you feel unwell
Just know you have a friend in me
Whenever you need to face hell
I am glad to see you seeking help
It is hard to stand alone
Feeling like you are drowning underwater
When you heart has been replaced with stone
Whatever there is that I can do
Please take it all from me
Let the weight of all that hurts you
Be cast off as chains and be free
You will get through this beloved
For you are meant for more
You will show the world that you know love
Like nothing you have felt before
I stand with you
From now until the end
For in me you will always have
The devotion of a dearest friend
Too Much Information
Heavy lies the head
Yet what lays inside is heavier
Years of input
Mountains of data
We are unable to process
Overwhelmed and incomprehensible
I feel that is the worst part of life
Not knowing your compass
Which course of action to take
No life manual was ever given
Yet we are expected to always do right
I have made mistakes
Grave lapses in judgement
Is it because I choose wrong
Or merely cannot cope with the distractions inside
My head feels broken
It tears at my soul
I am trying to learn
Turn down that inner boom box
It doesn’t need to be stuck at eleven
All I can do so far
Is get it to 9
Way to overpowering
Ears randomly ringing
I wish I could wash it all out
Start over anew
Then what would be me
Would I finally see the real you
Mirror Mirror
I know
I think to much
My actions betray intent
I admit
I am conflicted
These feelings
Emotions
Can they be wrong
Am I duty bound to suppress them
Do I find a new outlet
Start a new tract
My intent is pure
My situation is muddied
What should I do
Stay in mediocrity
In something that I cannot fix alone
Yet could be more
Or
Keep engaging in evolving
Become something unexpected
Begin a journey unknown
Risk it all
I know you had been promised things before
I don’t want to give you false hopes
But
You have touched a side of me
That hasn’t felt the warmth of the sun in an age
Since
Her
It terrifies me that anyone can do that
I thought that part of me was dead
I want to live
If you would have me
Bind all our faults into something more
Forge what we wish to become
Not what we accepted to be
Unstoppable
That day will come
When you have had enough
You tire of feeling
Beaten
Sick
Unwell
Unhinged
Unheard
Unwanted
You make that stand
Invest in yourself
Make a plan
Gather your strength
Find you backbone
Commit to becoming something you love
It is a scary road
Our demons and sickness devour us for so long
We forget what we are without them
Unknown things are scary
But better than the abuse
We can be better
Put ourselves back together
Scratch that
Become the person we were always afraid to be
This is my vow
This is my anthem
I can do this
I will not be denied
Not by you
And most of all…….
NOT BY ME
Accepting This
It is only a thought in my head
How can it be trouble?
Giving breath to thoughts
A life to life
Imagining those first steps
Shyly waiting by the path
Waiting for you to come by
We meet
We walk
We talk
We understand
We touch
Not a simple interaction between two friends
No
Something more
Deeper
Primal
Magical
Unexplained
I am still guarded
Unfairly waiting
Hoping
Pleading
For you to make that first move
We could shatter our expectations of life
Or
We could damn our souls further to hell
It isn’t an easy choice
It isn’t fair
But life has brought us here
Just to the end of the gravel road
Waiting for our turn on the swings
Grief of Existence
Why am I here
Why was I passed by?
Why do I continue on?
When those more worthy die
These are questions we ask
In the middle of the night
Bringing sadness to our souls
With no relief in sight
One thing I have learned
It is useless to question for reasons
Just know that when life ends
It is a beginning of a new season
I know I would gladly change places
To give you one more day
But your soul refused to
There is nothing to say
Trust in your faith
We all walk our lord’s path
One day he will call us home
In love that will ever last
Day 2 of the 31 day challenge
Greetings!
Continuing today with the random number Alexa has given me of 5.
Today’s question: List & draw things that make you happy.
Okay, since I am hitting this a little later in the day, plus my graphic skills are sorely lacking, I am just going to make up a quick list of things that make me happy.
- My family and friends. I would not trade them for the world, and totally dig when I get to add more of either. Fun fact, I was adopted, and discovered my birth mother recently. We have been in contact and have been catching up on how our lives are, including the fact I now have three half sisters too!
- I severely doubt that I would have the will to go on some days without a song to either inspire and uplift, or worsen a bad mood to help burn negative emotions out. Music is the bees knees.
- Yes, they are more than meets the eye, and yes, I have loved them since they first came out.
- Good comic books.
- Good books in general.
- Building things.
- The acknowledgement of others that they appreciate my help.
- A good deep conversation getting to know someone’s hopes, dreams, and fears.
- A Cuban cigar and some fine scotchy scotch scotch.
So yeah, that is a quick hit list of goodies, and a small insight into me.
Hope you all enjoy some of these things too, and if not, its okay! I like seeing what other peeps are into too!
